whoa

Has it really been 3 months since I've posted? Man, time flies. Plus I'm a slacker. I tend to get really into something for a while and then I blow it off for another long while as well. Anyway, life's been good. Work's still going well. Guys still confuse me. But yeah, it's been a good year, better than I could've hoped for. Haven't travelled anywhere is over a year though, so I'm getting the itch to do that. Might take a trip to San Francisco to visit some old friends and roam around my old stomping grounds. Also want to check out Chicago and maybe Boston, just because I haven't yet. These airfares are crap though, but at least the Canadian dollar is worth more than the US dollar for once! Definitely want to go spend some bucks over there. I'm also itching to go to a concert. Feels like it's been forever, but I've actually gone to a few this year - The Police, John Mayer. I'm going to the Travis show in a couple of weeks. Can't wait for that. woohoo! Anyway, I hope things are well for all of you in Xanga-land. Cheers.

morons

Idiot coworker comes up to me and asks me if I could do her a favor and email the whole office to tell everyone that if they're the last one to use up the water in the cooler, they need to change the bottle. We already have a sign saying to do so, and she said she's done it twice in two days and she's fed up. Boo friggin hoo. Who hasn't done the same thing? Is it annoying? Yeah, but you just do it. Suck it up already.

Also, last time I checked, I wasn't her secretary, so why the hell should I do it for her? Her fingers are in tact so emailing can't possibly be the problem. But clearly, she thinks I'm her personal bitch, and I'm too passive aggressive to say no on the spot, so I said okay. So I sent out an email that said, "So-and-so wanted me to remind you all to change the water if it's empty, because she's had to do it twice in two days already. Thanks." Yep, that's right. I'm a bitch. Why should I look like the nagging uptight asshole when she's the one with the complaint? At my old workplace, one of my coworkers emailed everyone a couple of times because people ate her leftover pizza in the fridge - and it was kind of bitchy, but rightfully so, and at least she had the balls to send the email herself.

Anyway, needless to say, current idiot coworker comes up to me within a minute of the email getting sent out and tells me that with an email like that, "less is more". Apparently she didn't think that 1) I needed to name her, and 2) that I needed to say that she had to change the water twice. She said it sounded bitchy. Oh yeah? You know what else is bitchy? Asking someone who is not your subordinate to do your bullshit for you.

She went and sent an apology later on and said that it was because she didn't know how to email the entire office - like, a distribution list. She said if she did, then she would've done it on her own and would've phrased it how she liked. Okay, omgwtf. You've been here over a year and you don't know how to send to a distribution list? Fine, maybe you're ignorant. Whatever. So I emailed her the instructions on how to do it - which couldn't be easier, to be honest. But this retard couldn't follow it and figure it out, so I have to show her in person. Seriously, it involves clicking New Message, click on To: and then choose from the friggin list!!! How hard is that?? omfg. Idiot.

But all in all, that was really satisfying to call her on her bullshit, and yeah, I think a boundary is now set. She has a history of bossing people around that she has no business bossing around, and I wanted to make it clear that I will not be her bitch. I think she got the message. There's just such a lack of respect from some people in workplaces that it boggles my mind. I don't like being bitchy to people, because it makes me feel bad inside, like bad karma or something, but on the other hand, sometimes I think you need to make a point and stand your ground. I do need to be more assertive though. The right thing to do would've been to have immediately told her that I wouldn't send that for her. But oh well, live and learn. I'm ready to say it next time with confidence. But I don't think she'll be asking me again.

Why?

I consider myself a fashionable person. I'm not super trendy, but I know what's in and what looks good on me. One thing that seems to be the trend right now that I cannot understand is the newly redesigned capri pant. I'm a big fan of regular capri pants. I think they're pretty flattering on most people. It's more respectable looking than shorts and you can wear it in an office without looking underdressed.

But this new breed of capri pants is ridiculous. It's tapered and cinched at the bottom. They look like fricken pantaloons from the 1930s. Wtf is up with that? I don't think this looks good on anyone, whether you've got skinny stick legs or chunky short ones. It's like a shorter, less puffed up version of those pants that MC Hammer used to wear. Not flattering, not cool. This trend needs to die a quick death. Seriously.

Oh yeah....

I ran into my old coworker on the weekend. The nosepicker. He's really gross. Super nice and funny guy, but really really gross. He was with his wife, and she reminds me of me. Like, she looks like me. Kind of the same face, body shape, hair style. It's kind of creepy because when I look at her, it's like I'm seeing what I'd look like if I was with him. And that gives me the heebie jeebies. Because all I see when I look at him is the sight of his index finger jammed up his nose. Gross.

Bad Day

There's got to be something bad in the air or water today because I've already been pissed off once today and blogged about it. My day ends with a pissy encounter with my dad. Parents can be real assholes sometimes. This, I say, as a full-fledged adult, not as some difficult teenager or child. At this moment in time, my dad is the bane of my existence. It'd be nice to think that since I'm now a grown woman, he'd treat me with some respect, but apparently that's too much to ask. My sister is always suspicious that he's got ulterior motives when he comes to visit her, and my brother is just a suck up who probably doesn't want to blow his chances at scoring a big inheritence in the future. My other sister thinks he's annoying too. All of us are full grown adults with our own lives and families, yet somehow we're reduced to feeling like children who've been told to clean up our rooms, or that we just don't measure up to so-and-so. It's amazing when you think about the relationship dynamics. One person can affect your mood so quickly and intensely like that.

When he had a stroke some years ago, we all went through this period where we were so nice to him and worried about him. We lost our mom several years ago, so the feeling of loss is forever etched in our minds. The thought of him out of our lives made us all really scared. But at the same time, I have to admit that the thought of complete freedom to live our lives as we wanted was lingering in the back of my mind. I feel guilty about that sometimes - about contemplating how much easier life would be when I finally won't have to worry about what he might say or do about a decision I've made in life. It's kind of morbid and horrible to have thoughts like that, but I can't deny that they've crossed my mind. It comes down to this - aren't we all just looking for the freedom to live however we want to live without others meddling or making us feel bad about it? I want to be able to do things without worrying what he might think. Because sure enough, if he finds out, he's always got something negative to say.

I envy people who have great, free, open relationships with their parents. What's it like to be able to make your own decisions and not get patronized or chided for it? I know that parents ultimately want us to be happy, safe, and secure - and for that reason only am I able to forgive him during times when I'd rather yell at the top of my lungs to leave me alone. But that's what I think it's all about. Life really is about the pursuit of happiness, and it's hard enough to get where you want to be in life without being made to feel small. And that's how he makes me feel - stifled, like I have no choice but to do whatever will get his approval. I've fought tooth and nail to do things my way over the years. Sometimes I've won and sometimes I've given in. I just wish I could win most of the time. I love my dad. I do. I just wish that he could learn to let go and let us be. Let us make our mistakes and learn our own lessons. That's all I honestly want out of life - to live my story the way I want to write it.

This has been a pretty shitty day. I'm so ready for it to be over and to start over again fresh tomorrow.